MENU: Today’s Special – Emotional Wreck!
Starters: Stay and live in a house that is being painted head to toe…
Main Course: Decide to up your life and move lock, stock and barrel to New York…
Desert: Announce it to the world so there is no turning back!!
Over the last few weeks I have been in a whirlwind of excitement, fun, plans and decisions and over the last few days I have been experiencing the ‘Emotional Phase’ of my decisions… Reality caught up with me and smacked me hard on the arse..Ha!
Every single thing in my 3 bed 3 bath home is now taking up residency in my bedroom. I know the bed is there but if I showed a stranger to the room they would definitely not believe me. The door opens slightly and when it does there is no room to move. To say it’s a total mess is an understatement! These beautiful surroundings also included ME until I couldn’t take it any longer! No more squatters rights, the lease is up, you are now evicted… MOVE OUT!!
A few days ago I packed whatever few bits of clothes I could find, left the house and just drove. Some of the worse feelings we can experience are feeling homeless, hungry, cold and tired and I was all 4 and more! I needed a safe place to fall and before I knew it I was outside my poor mothers house knocking on her door at 9 o’clock in the morning. I needed her when I was 5 and still need her at 35! 😉 Coming in her door with my tail between my legs, no where to go, shivering and basically a mess much like my bedroom! Total baggage drama case about to enter the building!!
The enormity of it all hit me like a tone of bricks and I started to get scared with fear entering where there had been joy. Telling everyone I was going to New York was like the final part of my plans before the adventure but it was the most real part with the result that it scared the sh*t out of me…New York is not just a town in Ireland! It’s huge!! I all of a sudden started to feel sorry for myself and nervous at the thoughts of the unknown ahead of me with the fast-paced, busy city I’m going to!! My mother and sister thought I was a crazy lady sitting in front of them at the kitchen table trying to sort this stressed head of mine out. One minute I’m bouncing around on cloud nine. The opportunity of a life time, sitting right in front of me and everything happening around me so positive and next thing I know I’m sitting there with a quivered lip saying “why did I have to go and tell everyone, now I HAVE to go to New York and have fun. The pressure of it all” All they could do was laugh and then try to sympathize with me under their hidden smile as I told them “it’s not funny, now I don’t wanna go. That place is just way too big for me on my own” and the saga continued throughout the morning.
I wasn’t making sense or seeing straight. I was on a negative, self pity party buzz and they were the spectators. On a positive note, in the midst of my mini freek out I’m glad I was able to provide the entertainment at my ‘feeling-sorry-for-myself-for-nothing-party!’
I’m sure all of these emotions and fears are only natural and par for the course! We are all only human so we have to roll with our emotions in order to move to the next step. Whatever it might be in our world at the time, it’s important to us.
Since then, I have been on a steady diet of home made mammy dinners, heat, hugs, love, sleep and constant episodes of Downton Abbey and F.R.I.E.N.D.S!! I checked out of reality! No decisions about New York or The House or Life or What am I going to do etc etc etc… Just breathe! – We forget to do this sometimes! – To just be! So this is exactly what I did…
Boom! Thankfully, today i’m back to myself…
MENU: Today’s Special- Keep going!
Starter : House is nearly painted and looking fab. The bedroom remains the same but I will get to that! to be continued…
Main Course: New York, follow my dream and be brave…
Desert: Keep the world informed so I HAVE to keep pushing myself…
I received such amazing and positive feedback from family, friends and new friends about my blog and my decision to head to New York! It’s so overwhelming with over 1,000 views on the site and still going so thanks to everyone for such kindness!
I’m going to treat this blog as an open diary! I’m not an expert in anything and I won’t pretend to be. I will just be speaking from the heart and keep filling you in, in my life’s movements… Some will find it funny, boring, happy, sad, relatable, interesting or other!! Either way – thanks and I hope you enjoyed my dinner party!😀
What have I learned and can share? – Try not to overthink things, go with your gut and trust and believe in yourself and your decisions! Remember to breathe and take some time out for you! Live in the Now and trust that it will all work out!
I’m just a girl, standing in front of the world asking it to love her!! ❤️
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You’re doing Great girl! Xxxxx
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